Sometimes I wish it wasn’t true but it is. They grow up. Little round faces become defined chins, chubby bodies lengthen into strong, lithe limbs. Baby coos become words, become sentences, become conversations.
Baby boys become big boys, who one day become men. And the growing is a glory, but its also a sorrow. Its nostalgia and a pain that both hurts and feels good at the same time. I see him grow and I am proud; I see him grow and I am sad.
This pain is called love.
This afternoon Hudson went to preschool for the first time. He looked so handsome and so grown up in his black Nike shirt and jeans, pulling his backpack behind him. Ties to home: a snack in his lunch box, his hoodie. I should have put a note in with his snack but I forgot. I wish I had.
With the advent of our new baby boy at home I find myself thinking back to when Hudson was a baby. Looking at Stryder is like time travel; I can see Hudson-the-baby again. It’s like he’s still in my arms. I can feel his warm weight in my arms, smell his sweet breath, see his sweet smile.
But that time has passed; now is even better. Now he’s sitting by me on the couch, sharing jokes, leaning on my arm. Telling me he loves me and he wants to be wherever I am. He helps me with his siblings, he has a sense of humor, he doesn’t like picking up his messes. He thinks Flynn Rider is hilarious.
I wonder at this man-boy and the way in which he grows. The leaps and bounds he takes in maturity. Sometimes I just want to yell “STOP!” Did I appreciate the early years enough? Did I hoard up the memories, get down on the ground enough just to play with him? Did I cherish in the moment that which is already a memory?
But on the same token, I look ahead to what he will become and I am so thankful to be on this journey. I hold on to the nostalgia and let it make me wiser, let it remind me to be purposeful in these years so that I don’t have regrets in the years to come.
I will not miss this.
It hurts sometimes, this growing up. But the pain is love and I will hold on to that love and let it make me treasure him all the more. And tomorrow when he wants me to make crafts with him AGAIN, I will do those crafts.
Because little boys grow up.
P.S. I haven’t forgotten that I promised you a burp cloth tutorial! I’m working on the pictures and should *hopefully* have it up tomorrow. Until then, have a wonderful day and thanks so much for stopping by!